Hiya! Remember me? Well, this is embarassing. We met at that party a while back. We were both lingering next to the spinach dip and laughing at the extremely drunk girl who was clumsily performing a mock strip tease while standing on the wobbly coffee table. We've seen each other around since then but have both avoided eye contact. Now it's awkward.
All of this to say I know I've been missing in action for, oh, a few months now. I apologize to all (seven) of my loyal readers, but let me explain. Shit's been going DOWN here. Because I have nothing particularily inspiring to say this morning (the sky is the colour of concrete today,) I'll just provide a short recap of what I've been up to these past few (awkward) months.
1. Got a new job. Although I was challenged, excited, and had made lots of new friends at my advertising job, it was also causing multiple grey hairs to sprout from my scalp at an alarming rate. I took everything personally, breaking the first rule of sales. I took every "no" as a tiny little dig. "WHY DON'T YOU LIKE ME?!" I would shout in my head as I trudged out of the stores. And while I made some absolutely amazing (lifelong!) friends over the course of my position, I decided to move on. I accepted a job at the local library as a Reference Assistant - and after over two years of daily deadlines, quotas, targets, and pressure, this job is freakin' amazing. It's quiet, it's stress-free, it's wonderful. I'm surrounded by books and inspired by all of the great stories that have shaped our world. Although my cackle bounces off those high wooden ceilings like nobody's biznatch and I'm the furthest thing from a typical librarian (my hair is too short to fit in a bun,) it's exactly where I want to be right now.
2. Tried a new lipstick. My sister was raving about RED. I've seen a few photos of her where she is dressed up, with a splash of bright red swooped across her lips. She always looks elegant, sophisticated, beautiful. "You've gotta try it," she raved. "Red lipstick will CHANGE your LIFE." So, I bought some. Rich Ruby by Avon (this is not a paid endorsement, but that doesn't mean I'm not up for it. LULU LEMON. IKEA. MAC. MAC. MAC. IKEA!) I smoothed it over my lips and looked in the mirror. I was five years old again, playing with my mother's lipstick. It looked unnatural and phony. I smiled. Lipstick coated all four of my front teeth. I don't think red is for me. (You can now sleep soundly with this important piece of information - and the image of my lipstick-stained teeth - embedded in your brains. YOU'RE WELCOME!)
3. Got a new roommate. I now live with a BOY. And it's NOTHING like I imagined. I've considered myself a feminist in the past, don't get me wrong, but I had a real domestic scene in my head about my adventure in cohabitation. I pictured the roommate coming home from work, and me in my apron taking some sort of casserole out of the oven and mixing my man a pre-dinner scotch. Complaining that wet towels and gym socks do not belong on the floor. TOILET SEAT GOES DOWN, and HONEY, DO I HAVE TO DEMONSTRATE HOW TO REPLACE THE TOILET PAPER ROLL? I practiced this line in my head more than once. I should have known that the roommate I picked would be a weirdo. After all, weird attracts weird. He's totally not a typical man. Clutter makes him break out in hives. Dishes in the sink makes the panic set in, and OH MY GOD please tell me that book on the bookshelf is not out of place IT SHOULD BE PLACED AT A NINETY DEGREE ANGLE OHH THE INSANITY!! Also, would you like me to make my signature asperagus and bacon penne tonight for dinner? I'll also pick you up a bottle of wine and some flowers on my way home from work to make the evening perfect. People. I am not exaggerating here. THIS SCENE ACTUALLY HAPPENED. To me! I make fun, but I think you'll agree with me when I say this? This thing I've got going on right here? It's fucking awesome.
4. Shaved my legs. Just kidding. We all know that doesn't happen until June (at the absolute earliest, depending on the weather.)
So I guess that's it. Now you know. Don't you feel better now? (Don't answer that.)
No comments:
Post a Comment